That's My Daughter...How I chose her!

A wreath of light seemed suspended over her head. In the sea of cherub faces, abandoned or orphaned, hers stood out to me.

"That's my daughter." I whispered as I looked at her. Though just days before I would not have recognized her simply because she wasn't mine. Now the word "daughter" caught in my throat. It didn't seem real because it wasn't how I imagined the moment would be. I had imagined the bliss I would feel as I gazed at my child. I had always dreamed of having a daughter, and here she was. My husband and I had traveled halfway around the world to find her.

"Hi angel," I said softly, knowing she didn't understand the words but hoping she would hear certain softness in my voice and feel comfort or at least not be afraid. She looked at me tentatively, then looked away slowly as though she didn't want to turn away but had to. She wasn't frightened, only uncertain.

Though I felt frozen, I approached her. I barely noticed the eleven other children who sat with my daughter in the "play area." I sensed her anxiety grow as I moved closer. She looked at me but only out the comer of her eyes. She was sitting now on the floor clutching a small toy, a little green car. A toy she had no idea how to play with, a toy that wasn't hers alone.

I reached out to caress her thinking I might steal the car, she jerked her hand away. I think I laughed in amusement or admiration, maybe both. I reached out to touch her arm. This time she didn't move away.

Lost in my own thoughts, I noticed that a small smile had begun to creep across her tiny, stoic face. It was a tentative smile. It seemed to me that she was trying it out, almost trying not to smile as though it, too, might be taken away. She was unable to stop. Encouraged, I reached up and tickled her. The soft laughter and nearly toothless smile delighted me. She looked into my eyes for an instant and smiled shyly. I wanted to reassure her, to tell her about the world of toys and smiles waiting for her across the ocean. Instead, we sat there stiffly, smiling at each other uncertainly. I wondered what she was thinking. Did she know I was her mother now? Did she love me?...probably not, but it didn't matter!